Crossroads Surrender

I’ve got nothing on my mind: nothing to remember,
Nothing to forget. and I’ve got nothing to regret,
But I’m all tied up on the inside,
No one knows quite what I’ve got;
And I know that on the outside
What I used to be, I’m not anymore.

You know I’ve heard about people like me,
But I never made the connection.
They walk one road to set them free
And find they’ve gone the wrong direction.

But there’s no need for turning back
`cause all roads lead to where I stand.
And I believe I’ll walk them all
No matter what I may have planned.

Can you remember who I was? can you still feel it?
Can you find my pain? can you heal it?
Then lay your hands upon me now
And cast this darkness from my soul.
You alone can light my way.
You alone can make me whole once again.

We’ve walked both sides of every street
Through all kinds of windy weather.
But that was never our defeat
As long as we could walk together.

So there’s no need for turning back
`cause all roads lead to where we stand.
And I believe we’ll walk them all
No matter what we may have planned.

 - Crossroads by Don McLean 

 A lot of us are on the road to or have already crossed the "golden" or "50" line, and have become more conscious of the changes in ourselves as our journey through life continues. Even for those who go through life as if always in a rush, the call to stop for a while and reflect on where we stand also catches up. Sometimes this happens when someone dear passes on, or when our children need us less or leave home, or when we undergo an illness, or a major change in occupation. We find ourselves standing at a still point where activity used to be. We look behind and see the many crisscrossed roads we've taken, while ahead of us lie just as many possiblities and directions. Where to go next? What to do? How far more to reach and what will I find along the path? Who can I count on for support, and whom do I support? Upto how long will I live? How do I really make the most of what I've got? Can I really give my all?

We can take some comfort in the lyrics:

So there’s no need for turning back
`cause all roads lead to where we stand.
And I believe we’ll walk them all
No matter what we may have planned.

We could just try to enjoy the journey, and trust that whatever road we take will eventually lead to another, and to still other roads... until we finally encounter all the good which we were meant to give and receive along the way. 

We could also reframe Don McLean's words so that we experience the journey as our special walk with Him, our beloved Lord, where

You alone can light my way.

and

We’ve walked both sides of every street
Through all kinds of windy weather.
But that was never our defeat
As long as we could walk together.

As we walk together with our Lord, we surrender to Him all we've got and all we are.. so that the journey becomes double exciting. Hmm, a "sweet surrender"...  this sounds like the lyrics of another song  :-)

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Into Your Hands

Sometimes one can be so sure about one's desire to live a life fully for God, but quite unsure about what would be the best way for this to happen. Unsure and at times impatient, wanting things to be clear right away, wanting to jump right into action so that one can feel that at least one is DOING something.

When to take action and when to stay still? When to reach out in service to others and when to reach out through quiet but active prayer? When to take courageous moves in new directions outside of the comfort zone, and when to just wait with full trust that He will cue when the timing is right? When to DO... and when to just BE...

It is harder to keep still, to just BE for the meantime, and to listen. To be mindful that timing is His, that the WHEN and the HOW will come when He decides to let it be known.

The different Holy Week recollection talks as well as homilies the past days centered around the theme of God loving us first and how loving Him back calls us to love others, especially those who are in great need of help, more concretely. To love in the way He loves. Or at least, to keep trying to do so. It is easy to desire to live this truth, but much more difficult to live this out concretely, consistently, creatively and true to what He intends for us.

With all of these in mind, I find some consolation from the verses of a simple song we learned in grade school, and which also contain the final of the Seven Last Words of Jesus on the cross:

"Into Your Hands, I commend my spirit Oh Lord
Into Your Hands, I commend my life"

I surrender my life to Him, trusting that He will help me properly discern His will.

For now, I will just BE... in His Hands.