Mom

  

My mom is now at a more advanced stage of Alzheimer's and Parkinson's Disease. I don't know how much time she has left with us. It could be many years, or it could be sooner. I find that when I stay by her side, hold her hand, stroke her face, kiss her forehead, I am more often than not, moved to tears. A part of me has been crying inside. Wishing she could respond to me the way I would want her to respond. To acknowledge my love, to give me soothing words of love in return. She is still with us, and yet I miss her being fully present. Even if I try, it's very hard to understand what she might be saying, when her mouth moves. Often times, I am not even sure if she recognizes who I am, or if I am just another person who surrounds her.

A part of me feels blessed to be able to take care of her. She is just within reach as we live under the same roof. Anytime I want to, I can easily go to her side, hold her hand, be with her. Pray alongside her as the recording of the rosary plays, or as the mass on EWTN is celebrated. It used to feel like a bit of a burden to have to look over so many aspects of her care. But now I realize it is also a most precious gift. 

And yet tears flow when I am with her. I feel like I am now her mother, and she is now my child, a special child to care for. That I have in a way lost my mother, though I have gained a child. 

Perhaps this is a similar experience for those who care for their elderly loved ones who have A.D. There is a blessing, but there is also grieving. Gratitude, but also sadness. Longing for what has been, and at the same time a savoring of what still exists, for only God knows how much time is left.

"I love you very much Mom. I only hope and pray that you are as comfortable as you can be, and feel as secure and loved as possible. If ever there is still some iota of recognizing who we are, know that we thank you for all you have done for us as a mother. Stay close to Jesus now as He will be your surest, most constant companion as you go through this latter phase of your life."  

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Bless and keep her oh Lord,

and may your face 

constantly shine upon her.

Love Beyond Death

1963 – 1972

 Dear Mike,

Today is your 40^th death anniversary!  Years ago, it was impossible to imagine what it would be like 40 years from then, without you. Our days had been filled with so much play together, and then suddenly you were gone. You left us all so sad, so soon.

Imagine, it has been 40 long years that you have been up there!  Hmm, I wonder what you have been up to all this time :o)   Did you ever take a peek at each of us, now living in different parts  of the world?  Have you ever wished you could have joined our children in their play?  I bet you would have had the time of your life getting to know their many stuffed toys, called “best friends”, positioned all over the house. Did you ever talk about us with our beloved God, and noticed any expressions on his face as you spoke with Him? Did He ever allow you to know what is in store for the future?

Mike, it is true that time heals.  The 40 years have enabled us to move out of our sorrow, and to now think of you without the feelings of sadness and loss that once weighed so heavily in our hearts.

How true it is that love lives beyond death. How can it not be so, when 40 years after your death, my heart still warms up with each recall of our day-in and day-out play and chatter. I smiled when together with my children, I recently saw again the drawings, cards and letters to real and imaginary people that we had made more than 40 years ago. I can still recite by heart each and every line of the beautiful prayer and the simple poem composed in your memory decades ago.

Mike, your years with us were short but rich. I still don’t fully appreciate why you had to move on so early, but what I do know now from this experience is that yes, love lives beyond death.  Love for you continues, despite the 40 long years you have been away..

“I love you for always”  my dear brother :o)

St. Michael, 

Prince of Angels and Gods First Knight

Brave and true to your captain, Christ

We give into your strong care

Our Michael young and fair

Called suddenly from our loving home

To stand his watch before God’s throne.

A page of Christ washed and fed

With cleansing waters and holy bread.

And though we miss his voice and smile

Yet we trust that in just a while

We all together again shall be

Forever a part of God’s family.

So St. Michael, until that day

We shall continue to watch and pray

At peace to know that our son and brother

Is safe with Christ and his loving mother. 

-  Fr. J.F. Donelan, SJ

One lonely night as I sat by my window

Memories of a little boy with a lot of pillows

Had just entered into my mind

For there was no one of such a kind. 

I remember how he used to stand

Beside my bed to conduct a band

Of little animal cushions who stared

At the little boy’s face which cared.

And throughout the day I would hear

His sweet voice ring so near.

His smile so touching  would send me dreaming

Of his two eyes so brightly gleaming.

Troubles, we think of him

Cutting our things to trim!

But in truth, it’s such a joy

To be with Michael, that wonderful boy. 

- mc

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Little Flower

Today we honor St. Therese of Lisieux. Through her writings, she showed us how great love for Him can be so real in even the littlest flower that she considered herself to be. She reminds me of this short but meaningful poem:

Flower in the crannied wall,

I pluck you out of the crannies, 

I hold you here, root and all, in my hand,

Little flower -- but if I could understand

What you are, root and all, all in all,

I should know what God and man is.

- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

 

October 1 every year is also what I consider the start of a new spiritual year... a special day of renewal of offering and commitment...

Dearest Lord,

Grant me the grace to respond to your invitation
To assist those You hold most dear in Your Heart:
The least, the lost, the vulnerable,

To know and experience
The faithfulness and tenderness of Your love.

May this be done with complete trust
And nothing less than love for You.
Amen.

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