Crossroads Surrender

I’ve got nothing on my mind: nothing to remember,
Nothing to forget. and I’ve got nothing to regret,
But I’m all tied up on the inside,
No one knows quite what I’ve got;
And I know that on the outside
What I used to be, I’m not anymore.

You know I’ve heard about people like me,
But I never made the connection.
They walk one road to set them free
And find they’ve gone the wrong direction.

But there’s no need for turning back
`cause all roads lead to where I stand.
And I believe I’ll walk them all
No matter what I may have planned.

Can you remember who I was? can you still feel it?
Can you find my pain? can you heal it?
Then lay your hands upon me now
And cast this darkness from my soul.
You alone can light my way.
You alone can make me whole once again.

We’ve walked both sides of every street
Through all kinds of windy weather.
But that was never our defeat
As long as we could walk together.

So there’s no need for turning back
`cause all roads lead to where we stand.
And I believe we’ll walk them all
No matter what we may have planned.

 - Crossroads by Don McLean 

 A lot of us are on the road to or have already crossed the "golden" or "50" line, and have become more conscious of the changes in ourselves as our journey through life continues. Even for those who go through life as if always in a rush, the call to stop for a while and reflect on where we stand also catches up. Sometimes this happens when someone dear passes on, or when our children need us less or leave home, or when we undergo an illness, or a major change in occupation. We find ourselves standing at a still point where activity used to be. We look behind and see the many crisscrossed roads we've taken, while ahead of us lie just as many possiblities and directions. Where to go next? What to do? How far more to reach and what will I find along the path? Who can I count on for support, and whom do I support? Upto how long will I live? How do I really make the most of what I've got? Can I really give my all?

We can take some comfort in the lyrics:

So there’s no need for turning back
`cause all roads lead to where we stand.
And I believe we’ll walk them all
No matter what we may have planned.

We could just try to enjoy the journey, and trust that whatever road we take will eventually lead to another, and to still other roads... until we finally encounter all the good which we were meant to give and receive along the way. 

We could also reframe Don McLean's words so that we experience the journey as our special walk with Him, our beloved Lord, where

You alone can light my way.

and

We’ve walked both sides of every street
Through all kinds of windy weather.
But that was never our defeat
As long as we could walk together.

As we walk together with our Lord, we surrender to Him all we've got and all we are.. so that the journey becomes double exciting. Hmm, a "sweet surrender"...  this sounds like the lyrics of another song  :-)

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Mindfulness

While enjoying "window shopping" at Manila Seedling Bank yesterday, this very pretty and interesting flower caught my eyes - the way the pink and the white intermingled, the cleanliness of its look, and the funny looking bright yellow centerpiece that seemed almost artificial. It was so nice that I just had to take its picture. Then I noticed a little bee come and rest itself on the yellow center, probably to suck something off from it.

How refreshing it felt to just keep still and keep watching the flower and the bee! There was so much to see and stay with... while drinking in the beautiful and vibrant color of the flower.

While driving home after, I realized that that's what it means to stay in the present moment.

It felt great!

Time in a Bottle

Our family dinner time as we have it today is what I would like to capture and save it in a bottle and preserve it forever.

We start eating between 9:00 to 9:30pm, which is quite late (a la Madrid time daw). It's already bedtime for many households. And yet for us, sleepy or not sleepy, we gather together at this hour. We are usually complete by this time - my husband and I, our children, and my mom. Though busy with our own activities throughout the day, during supper we sit and talk. Conversation can center around a variety of topics ranging from school, work, the latests from current events and familiar people, or stories from family history, politics, religion, values, etc. Or, we can just stay sleepy and not say much of anything.

Some times the occassion even turns into either a mini-business course, at other times almost like a debate session (whew!). Or, an attitude building discourse or sermon on the mount  :-). Or a trip down memory lane. You'd be surprised that it's not only us midlifers who sometimes talk about the past, but even our transitioning adolescent-to-young adult children also bring up something they remember fondly from their own childhood.

For me, whatever we talk about matters less than just the beautiful fact that we are all together, and have this chance to listen and be present to, as well as share with each other in person: how the day went,  what called for more attention, what was meaningful... Even my mom who is usually quiet, seems to enjoy just being there with us.

Haaaaay, what grace, what gift we have in this ordinary everyday moment! A blessing that not too many families nowadays can enjoy due to the complexities and demands of modern living that often make it difficult for nuclear families to be complete for mealtime daily.

One day things will necessarily change for us, as our family moves on into its next stages. But for now, I will really just choose to enjoy this gift we have each night.

Yes, "If I could save time in a bottle," I'd put our family mealtime as we experience it today, right in there  :-)

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