Advent Ponderings

It's so nice to just sit and watch the flames of the Advent candles flicker, while the wax drips down slowly. It gives a very soothing and peaceful feeling.  Together with it is also a quiet joy that lingers in my heart when I think about how, yes! God really and truly loved man so much - why esle would He go all the way in taking on our human nature with all its challenges and idiosyncracies.

I've come to know for years, that He is never outdone in generosity and love. So even if we think we love Him and try to do so to the best of our ability, His own love is still a million times more than ours! We may have a flame burning in our heart for Him, like these flickering Advent candles, but His own flame is really THE great big ball of fire.  The fire of His love.  The light that He promised He will never extinguish. One that He assures us we can always count on, even in times when we might feel impoverished and diminished like a smoldering wick.

When we started out listening to the gospels during this Advent season, at first it was just like the usual. But as the days have been passing, the gospel scenes resonating within leave me with a growing desire to cut down on the hustle and bustle of  the usual activities, in order to get into the silent night of His heart, to watch and wait with the shepherds, Mama Mary and St. Joseph, till I can better recognize and truly welcome His  presence in people and events all around with the same joy like in the nativity story. 

May we all be able to experience this quiet joy during the remaining few days till Christmas, and also for all the days for the rest of our life.

.

Advent Possibilities

The point when Mary realizes that "nothing is impossible with God" and when this certainty fills her heart inspite of the uncertainty of how all that lie ahead will unfold, is for me, one of the most poignant moments within the Advent story.

"Nothing is impossible with God." Nothing that is good is impossible with Him, who is the source of ALL that is good.

This line is especially comforting and strengthening when we are in the process of shedding off long-time and hard-to-be-rid-of attachments and ways, when we are tempted to think that our desire for change cannot be fulfilled, when we doubt whether our collaboration and partnership with Him can be sustained for the long term and bear significant fruit.

"Nothing is impossible with God." -  a most beautiful mantra of trust. An act of love that flowed through Mary's heart, and one that we can let flow within our own heart and mind and will too  :-)    

.

Christmas Rose

I like to think of the poinsettia as the 'Christmas rose'.

The red of the rose is very attractive, especially against the backdrop of green leaves. During Valentines and other many special occassions, roses are given and received as a symbol of love.  During the feast of St. Therese,  her image is adorned with roses, in honor of her special way of loving Christ: great love through 'the little way'.

Similarly, poinsettias usually have very attractive red petals, and these are additionally highlighted by the green leaves underneath.  The reds and greens of Christmas. The moment poinsettias are in sight, you know that Advent, as well Christmas, is really here.  And when you no longer see poinsettias around, you have to concede that the season is over. How synchronized its timing is with this special occassion.

More than color though, what the poinsettia has in common with the rose is its connection with love. Like the rose, the poinsettia in its association with Christmas, can also be seen as a symbol of love:  Love that reached out to us in the form of a fragile, vulnerable baby born in a poor manger. Love that chose to take on flesh and blood like our own, because He is truly in love with us, His special creation. "Love that's freely given, and that wants to freely be received... Love that longs to share His life with us, in hopes that it will grow... and until He finally calls us home..."

The Christmas rose...  reaching out, indwelling, waiting to be loved back...  our dear God, WHO IS Love!  

.

Identity

                                                       Photo by R. Gross

"And yet, Yahweh, you are our Father;

we are the clay and you are our potter;

we are the work of your hand." 

- Isaiah 64:7

.

Faith and Courage

There is a cute, old song by Frank Sinatra entitled, "Love and Marriage" where the lyrics go, "Love and marriage, love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage." Using the same tune, my mind however has been playing the lyrics, "Faith and courage, faith and courage, go together like a horse and carriage"...

I find that the more I desire to move towards greater courage in my choices and actions, the more it is my faith that becomes strengthened.  Faith in Him. Faith that it is He who plants this desire for greater courage. Faith that it is us together who will move forth in pursuit of His Will. And the more my faith grows, the more I am able to gather the courage and confidence to let go of security blankets and venture outside of comfort zones. Faith and courage.  One can't do without the other. They are so interlinked.

Lately, I have also been reflecting on courage as experienced during yoga classes. For one not really physically inclined, working on the seemingly unreachable and difficult yoga poses (e.g. shoulder stand!?!, back bends using the chair, all kinds of literally challenging stretch poses, etc.) has taught me that as long as our spirit desires to have courage, and if the mind wills it, the body can eventually achieve the goal, albeit little by little.  Stretch.. stretch...stretch... until one day, the happy discovery that "Oh my gosh, I can do it!" arrives.  

The amazing interaction between the body, mind and spirit can really give birth to faith and courage - not only in yoga, but in all else that matters with our life   :-)


.

Little Flower

Today we honor St. Therese of Lisieux. Through her writings, she showed us how great love for Him can be so real in even the littlest flower that she considered herself to be. She reminds me of this short but meaningful poem:

Flower in the crannied wall,

I pluck you out of the crannies, 

I hold you here, root and all, in my hand,

Little flower -- but if I could understand

What you are, root and all, all in all,

I should know what God and man is.

- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

 

October 1 every year is also what I consider the start of a new spiritual year... a special day of renewal of offering and commitment...

Dearest Lord,

Grant me the grace to respond to your invitation
To assist those You hold most dear in Your Heart:
The least, the lost, the vulnerable,

To know and experience
The faithfulness and tenderness of Your love.

May this be done with complete trust
And nothing less than love for You.
Amen.

.

Stillness...in His Hands

It is hard to describe with words what the experience of inner stillness is... it's something that is just felt. The moments when you just know that you are exactly where He wants to you be at this time... with the people He wants you to be with... doing exactly what He wants you to do for now... and, just being able to be totally yourself, because you know that that is also exactly how He really wants you to be for Him.. for always.  

It is in these moments of stillness within you that you just know without a doubt, from the deepest part of you, how truly loved you are by Him, and that He will never cease carrying you in the palm of His Hands... 

Perhaps these moments of inner stillness and certitude of His abiding love, are what St. Augustine was referring to when he said that our hearts stay restless until they finally find rest in Him. 

Thank you, dearest Lord, for this precious gift of stillness... in Your hands!

.

All Good Gifts

The weather has been alternating - sunny for days, then rainy for a week, then the sun comes out again, then it rains again... and the cycle continues. Every morning , my favorite moment is scanning the  grass in the garden and noticing how the mostly brown land gradually becomes green from the inching upward of the grass and after having drunk up a lot of rainwater.  Even the portions that were mostly brown soil start to acquire their green color as the roots of the grass from the area beside make their way there and fill out the spaces.

The flowers too, continue their cycle of budding, blooming and dying, budding anew, blooming anew, withering anew.  When one dies, it simply means that new life can now succeed it..

Our life is like the fields - whether these be garden grass and flowers, or farmlands. We  go through definite cycles of birthing, growing, maturing and dying, birthing anew, growing anew, struggling anew, deepening understanding anew, then letting go of things anew to give way for the new seeds of what matter most, to emerge... 

The beauty of being in midlife is that we gain the eyesight to see what we may not have seen before... to recognize the Hand that tills us, to know the Heart that swells the grains within us, and to realize that there is the Compassionate Love that has always showered us with  "all good gifts".

******

We plow the fields and scatter the good seed on the land..
But it is fed and watered by God's almighty hand..

He sends us snow in winter, the warmth to swell the grain...

The breezes and the sunshine, and soft refreshing rain...

All good gifts around us

Are sent from Heaven above

So thank the Lord, oh thank the Lord for all his love...

We thank thee then, O Father, for all things bright and good,

The seedtime and the harvest, our life our health our food,

No gifts have we to offer for all thy love imparts

But that which thou desirest, our humble thankful hearts!

All good gifts around us

Are sent from Heaven above..

So thank the Lord, oh thank the Lord for all his love..

I really wanna thank you Lord!

- music by Stephen Schwartz, "Godspell"



 

Crossroads Surrender

I’ve got nothing on my mind: nothing to remember,
Nothing to forget. and I’ve got nothing to regret,
But I’m all tied up on the inside,
No one knows quite what I’ve got;
And I know that on the outside
What I used to be, I’m not anymore.

You know I’ve heard about people like me,
But I never made the connection.
They walk one road to set them free
And find they’ve gone the wrong direction.

But there’s no need for turning back
`cause all roads lead to where I stand.
And I believe I’ll walk them all
No matter what I may have planned.

Can you remember who I was? can you still feel it?
Can you find my pain? can you heal it?
Then lay your hands upon me now
And cast this darkness from my soul.
You alone can light my way.
You alone can make me whole once again.

We’ve walked both sides of every street
Through all kinds of windy weather.
But that was never our defeat
As long as we could walk together.

So there’s no need for turning back
`cause all roads lead to where we stand.
And I believe we’ll walk them all
No matter what we may have planned.

 - Crossroads by Don McLean 

 A lot of us are on the road to or have already crossed the "golden" or "50" line, and have become more conscious of the changes in ourselves as our journey through life continues. Even for those who go through life as if always in a rush, the call to stop for a while and reflect on where we stand also catches up. Sometimes this happens when someone dear passes on, or when our children need us less or leave home, or when we undergo an illness, or a major change in occupation. We find ourselves standing at a still point where activity used to be. We look behind and see the many crisscrossed roads we've taken, while ahead of us lie just as many possiblities and directions. Where to go next? What to do? How far more to reach and what will I find along the path? Who can I count on for support, and whom do I support? Upto how long will I live? How do I really make the most of what I've got? Can I really give my all?

We can take some comfort in the lyrics:

So there’s no need for turning back
`cause all roads lead to where we stand.
And I believe we’ll walk them all
No matter what we may have planned.

We could just try to enjoy the journey, and trust that whatever road we take will eventually lead to another, and to still other roads... until we finally encounter all the good which we were meant to give and receive along the way. 

We could also reframe Don McLean's words so that we experience the journey as our special walk with Him, our beloved Lord, where

You alone can light my way.

and

We’ve walked both sides of every street
Through all kinds of windy weather.
But that was never our defeat
As long as we could walk together.

As we walk together with our Lord, we surrender to Him all we've got and all we are.. so that the journey becomes double exciting. Hmm, a "sweet surrender"...  this sounds like the lyrics of another song  :-)

.

Mindfulness

While enjoying "window shopping" at Manila Seedling Bank yesterday, this very pretty and interesting flower caught my eyes - the way the pink and the white intermingled, the cleanliness of its look, and the funny looking bright yellow centerpiece that seemed almost artificial. It was so nice that I just had to take its picture. Then I noticed a little bee come and rest itself on the yellow center, probably to suck something off from it.

How refreshing it felt to just keep still and keep watching the flower and the bee! There was so much to see and stay with... while drinking in the beautiful and vibrant color of the flower.

While driving home after, I realized that that's what it means to stay in the present moment.

It felt great!

Time in a Bottle

Our family dinner time as we have it today is what I would like to capture and save it in a bottle and preserve it forever.

We start eating between 9:00 to 9:30pm, which is quite late (a la Madrid time daw). It's already bedtime for many households. And yet for us, sleepy or not sleepy, we gather together at this hour. We are usually complete by this time - my husband and I, our children, and my mom. Though busy with our own activities throughout the day, during supper we sit and talk. Conversation can center around a variety of topics ranging from school, work, the latests from current events and familiar people, or stories from family history, politics, religion, values, etc. Or, we can just stay sleepy and not say much of anything.

Some times the occassion even turns into either a mini-business course, at other times almost like a debate session (whew!). Or, an attitude building discourse or sermon on the mount  :-). Or a trip down memory lane. You'd be surprised that it's not only us midlifers who sometimes talk about the past, but even our transitioning adolescent-to-young adult children also bring up something they remember fondly from their own childhood.

For me, whatever we talk about matters less than just the beautiful fact that we are all together, and have this chance to listen and be present to, as well as share with each other in person: how the day went,  what called for more attention, what was meaningful... Even my mom who is usually quiet, seems to enjoy just being there with us.

Haaaaay, what grace, what gift we have in this ordinary everyday moment! A blessing that not too many families nowadays can enjoy due to the complexities and demands of modern living that often make it difficult for nuclear families to be complete for mealtime daily.

One day things will necessarily change for us, as our family moves on into its next stages. But for now, I will really just choose to enjoy this gift we have each night.

Yes, "If I could save time in a bottle," I'd put our family mealtime as we experience it today, right in there  :-)

.

In Contemplation

                                                                                  photo by Fr. A. Bugtas, S.J.

As from the sun, descend the rays*

As from the fountain, the waters*

As from the Spirit, births new life

As from the heart, flows Divine Love

Divine Majesty 
Fountain full of life

Spill forth your spirit
In sparkling showers

Enlighten all searching

Lavish on all thirsting

Renewal and healing

Your labour unceasing

You dwell within us

Generous Giver
Of all that is good
Dear self-giving God

 Take now my whole heart

And all of my soul
Everything for you
With deep love and thanks

~ o ~

* from The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius, A Literal Translation

I Know My Sheep

"I am the Good Shepherd... I know my sheep and my sheep know me..." These lines have lingered in my mind  and heart recently. It really strikes me how Jesus tried to convey to us with these words the type of love our Lord God has for us. He was not referring to a relationship of authority - a shepherd having authority over subordinate sheep. Or just about duty - a shepherd having a duty to look after the flock. The use of the word "know" touches me. He knows each and every sheep. Though they all sport fuzzy white wool, he is fully aware of who are present and who strays.. or is lost. He knows where the stray one might head for, and where to find it. In like manner, the sheep can recognize right away when it is its shepherd's voice. It feels at home, it feels safe. It even knows that the good shepherd will come looking for it and will still swoop it up into his arms and hold it close inspite of its having strayed away from the flock.

I am amazed that Jesus used this metaphor to describe our relationship with our God. If He used this, it could only be truth. Truth that this is a relationship of deep caring and intimate loving. He could have stopped at, "I am the shepherd and you are the sheep." but instead He made sure that He described this love as: "I know my sheep and my sheep know me...", and more than that, "For these sheep, I will give my life..."

Truly our Good Shepherd.

.



He Gave Us His All

While praying over the Last Supper, it dawned on me that this was one of the most beautiful scenes in the life of Jesus - the moment when Jesus, amidst his turmoil of emotions due to frustrations over hypocritical structures, anger and hurt over fickleness and betrayals, and also sadness over the little limited time He had left, still stayed very focused on his mission to impart his Father's love to us. This He did during the Last Supper by giving us the gift of his very self in the form of the bread and the wine which He clearly said was his very body and blood. Bread blessed, broken and then shared. Wine blessed and then shared. Nothing less than He himself that was soon to be broken was being shared. His own very flesh and blood given!

It was more than enough that He had already reached out to so many people, including the most unwanted or shunned, performed miracles and told parable after parable about his Father's generous and forgiving love, assured us that He was the Good Shepherd who knew and loved every one of his sheep, that like the woman who continued to search unceasingly for her lost coin, He would always be here for us. His teachings were well documented and would stay a source of rich inspiration for generations to come. 

But no, even in his last, most difficult moments on earth, He still very deliberately gave us this precious gift of his whole self as manifested in the Eucharist - His very self that would endure so much suffering and even death out of love for us. In giving us the gift of the Eucharist, He gave us His all - forever!

Two thousand years since that memorable Last Supper, the Eucharist as well as the Blessed Sacrament, which we know as his True Presence, continues to affect us deeply. Sitting and praying before the Blessed Sacrament, or receiving Him into our own body and soul at mass, we are drawn closer each time to His loving and lifegiving heart. How amazing that this continues to this day! How fortunate for us that He chose to give us His all! 

My dearest Lord,

In the Eucharist

You gave us everything

Each and every and all of you.

Teach me now to do the same

To give you the whole of me

The each and every and all of me

To genuinely imitate the way 

You gave us Your all

Amen.

.

Finding God on the Roll

Last week, we celebrated our daughter's birthday in a rather unique and creative way, by going to Enchanted Kingdom. We plotted our series of rides, intentionally leaving the roller coaster for the climax. Our children had no second thoughts about it - they were going to ride! The roller coaster was precisely the reason why we chose to go to this place. 

I found myself wanting to do the same, but also very scared. Just looking at the coaster from afar was enough to tense up my whole system. Three times the coaster would be totally upside down! This was really a challenge for one who easily gets dizzy from an octopus ride, or that sinking feeling on a ferris wheel on its way down. There was a part of me though, that really wanted to do it. Perhaps this was a midlife urge - to break away from old fears and to move forward with a new way of living more daringly and courageously.  

Then it was time!  My hands grew cold, my heart felt tight. Until I decided to resort to the one sure way I knew would bring inner strength and peace - the act of surrender, of entrusting the whole of my being to Him. So when we were finally seated (at the very front row, for that is what these most daring kids of ours wanted!) and strapped securely in place, I decided to close my eyes and pray, "Lord, envelope me with your presence and be with me all the way so that I can survive and even enjoy this ride!"

Then the roller coaster began to move, swinging backward, lunging forward, curling up and circling 360 degrees, then with growing momentum, again lunging forward and then circling 360 degrees for the second time, then upon dropping down, quickly circling 360 degrees for the third time, and so on and so forth. Everything happened so fast, and people were screaming. I remained very quiet thoughout, while my eyes saw only darkness. I did feel some push and pull movement, the cool wind, and the security of the two straps, which all throughout I imagined to be Jesus arms holding me securely in place!)  Then in a short while, the whole ride was over. (What! So soon?!) 

We made it, hooray!! But my real joy was internal. I felt that this roller coaster ride was a real encounter with the Lord. A very special moment of feeling securely wrapped with His presence, a moment when fear was relegated to the back while the choice to just place myself in His hands and surrender my fears to Him enabled me to experience inner peace and courage. 

Who could have imagined that a roller coaster ride would turn into a graced encounter, a memorable spiritual experience!

Finding God on the roll... 

I'd gladly do it again, but next time, perhaps with eyes wide open!


.

I Will Be Here

I like this old song (popularized by Gary Valenciano) very much because the words provide much consolation during moments when I feel most vulnerable and alone. Like a child in need of a hand to hold on to, and in need of another's eyes that can show the way through the dark, I listen to every word of the song and am again reminded of what He asks: "Trust me. I will be here."

I WILL BE HERE

Tomorrow mornin' if you wake up

And the sun does not appear

I...I will be here

If in the dark we lose sight of love

Hold my hand and have no fear

'Cause I...I will be here

I will be here

When you feel like bein' quiet

When you need to speak your mind

I will listen

And I will be here

When the laughter turns to cryin'

Through the winnin' and losin' and tryin'

We'll be together

'Cause I will be here

Tomorrow mornin' if you wake up

And the future is unclear

I...I'll be here

Just as sure as seasons are made for change

Our lifetimes are made for years

I...I will be here

I will be here

You can cry on my shoulder

When the mirror tells us we're older

I will hold you

And I will be here

To watch you grow in beauty

And tell you all the things you are to me

I will be here

I will be true

To the promise I have made

To you and to the

One who gave you to me

I...I will be here

And just as sure as seasons are made for change

Our lifetimes are made for years

'Cause I...

I will be here....

We'll be together, forever

'Cause I will be here

I will be here

- Steven Chapman

These words also ring true for how I feel towards those entrusted to my care: 

If in the dark we lose sight of love

Hold my hand and have no fear

'Cause I...I will be here

I will be here

When you feel like bein' quiet

When you need to speak your mind

I will listen

And especially, 

I will be true

To the promise I have made

To you and to the

One who gave you to me

But in their need of a hand to hold on to, and of eyes to help them see through the darkness of their own vulnerabilities, instead of  saying, "Trust me,"  what I share with them is, 

"Trust Him. He will be here."

 
.

Rhythms in our Life

I smile to myself whenever I notice a plant in the garden that I had given up as withered suddenly come to life again with the budding of a new flower.

I am reminded of the song goes, "Everything has a season, everything has its time..."

Sometimes we force something to happen by driving ourselves and others so hard towards a certain desired outcome, to no avail. But when we stop trying too hard, and instead just listen to the underlying rhythm.. when we give ourselves permission to just let things be for the moment.. oftentimes we realize that whatever it is we were hoping to achieve does fall into place.  In its own time and way, it comes toward us very subtly, gradually, peacefully. His "Invisible Hand" silently works to bring us our heart's desire, without our having to expend a lot of energy for it.

Of course there are some outcomes that will never materialize unless we put in effort.  But there are also many occassions where our own efforts result in very little outcome, especially when the timing is not right, or when something is really not yet ready to surface.

The best kind of flow is one which respects the underlying rhythms in our life. One which moves us towards patience, perseverance, and the art of waiting. Not a passive waiting but rather the active trusting and believing that He watches over us and will actively give us all that is good, within the right time.

When our rhythm is synchronized with His rhythm, new beginnings and new life flows naturally,

even from the most seemingly withered or unlikely situations.
 

 .

St. Joseph of Nazareth

The "hidden years" of Jesus, which consisted of his early childhood years till the age of thirty when he began his public ministry, must have been very special years for him in the company of Mama Mary and St. Joseph.

Joseph was Jesus' first teacher in the school of love. How many times the child Jesus and his playmates must have climbed up Joseph's lap to listen to his stories about Abraham or Moses and how God loved and spoke with them.  How often Joseph must have walked with the young Jesus around the neighborhood, showing him what it meant to really look after the blind man or the sick woman or the shamed leper. Then when Joseph was nearing death, what instructions and last words might he have whisphered to Jesus to further embed in him his love for his mission. No doubt, Jesus must have treasured all that Joseph was to him and all that Joseph taught him, and carried these in his heart throughout his whole life and all the way until his own death on the cross.


PRAYER TO ST. JOSEPH

Blessed Joseph, husband of Mary,
be with us this day.
You protected and cherished the Virgin;
loving the child Jesus as your son,
you rescued him from the danger of death.
Defend the Church, the household of God,
purchased by the blood of Christ.

Guardian of the Holy Family,
be with us in our trials.
May your prayers obtain for us
the strength to flee from error
and wrestle with the powers of corruption
so that in life we may grow in holiness
and in death rejoice in the crown of victory.
Amen.


(author unknown)

.

Quiet Space

There is a garden in my heart

Where words stay silent

While colors speak

Where flowers bask in light

While gentle winds blow

Where God tenderly gazes

Then prayer flows

    

   

Two in One, on the Cross

  
Lord,

 Your Father said, "This is my Beloved Son, on whom my favor rests."
And yet on the cross, your body was broken.
You were Beloved, yet broken.

 You were so broken but you did not give us up.
You loved us until your death on the cross.
You were broken, yet you proved we were your Beloved.

 And now, on the cross
We know that brokenness and belovedness can co-exist.
The two together embodied in one cross.

 Like you, we are all broken yet Beloved
In our brokenness, we can believe in your love for us
In your love, our brokenness can find a home.

 Two in one, on the cross  +

 

.

Prayer of Letting Go

Our good Lord gifted me with 25 years of being in exactly the organization I had always wanted to be in, doing the nature of work I have been very happy with, in the company of many good supervisors and colleagues, and amidst friendships that will endure for a lifetime. One couldn't ask for a better comfort zone!  Gratitude for the all these blessings overwhelm.

But "all things indeed have their season and all things have their time."  So after the numerous warm goodbyes, now comes the task of letting go, self-emptying, and movement into solitude and inner stillness. Into more attentive listening and responding to the gentle promptings of His Spirit.   

"Unless the grain of wheat falls deep into the earth;

Unless it dies, it remains alone.

But if it dies, the harvest indeed is great.

From this one seed comes a hundredfold."

My dearest Lord, I now offer up to You the next 25 years, or whatever remaining life you give me. Please lead me into whatever and wherever You desire. To a life of love and unity with You.

With all my heart, I beg, that like the grain of wheat, I may learn "to die, so that I may truly live in You." 

+