I recently attended a very right-brained type of retreat where the medium for prayer was through clay. First we were asked to separate the stones that were embedded within the clay. That took some time to finish. Then we were asked to soften our clay with the use of water. While working on it, I figured that flattening the clay, adding water on top, and then folding the flattened sheet of clay, would help to keep the water within, thereby softening the material. Think of spreading peanut butter and sugar on top of a slice of bread, and then folding the bread into a sandwich. The sandwich now makes the combined taste of the bread and the peanut butter more seamless. Finally, we were asked to shape the clay into a pot. There were two rounds. First was the shaping, and then the refining of the shape into a more defined design. We did each step in silence, to allow reflection while working. Then afterwards, we were asked to pray.
For some reason, the activities appealed very much to me. Perhaps this is because I am by nature more of a right-brainer. As I took out the stones from the clay, I felt a strong desire to be cleansed of dirt and sin that the jewel within may become visible. As we softened the clay, I realized that only when we allow grace to be laid upon us (like the water spread on the clay) can our hearts begin to soften and take in how much God loves us and wants to form us. Grace upon hardened body, mind and spirit. Cycle after cycle of repeated laying out and allowing spirit to touch inner life. Till I have absorbed a level of His love enough to live with the vulnerability that comes with softness or weakness, and yet am solid enough to en-trust my would-be future form to Him... while he shapes my pot into whatever He desires.
At first, the pot seemed very crude and awkward. Like it had a long way to go before it could be seen as okay. And yet, with each shaping effort, a voice within seemed to constantly whisper in my ear, "The form does not matter. The form does not matter. What is most important is that you carry Me within your heart. Then all shall be well." Carry Him within. That was all He was asking. He would take care of the rest. In whatever form or shape we are, we are made complete and perfect in His eyes, because we were given the ability to carry Him within us. All we need is to be true to what He really desires from us - which is to carry Him, to know, to love, to serve Him by carrying Him when we are alone, and when we can offer Him to others from the love for Him within us.
In the end, when the pot was refined, it was not the most beautiful pot if one were to evaluate it from point of view of "the world" and the way art is measured. But I just knew in my heart that this was the most beautiful pot for me, simply because He shaped it as He desired. Every feature of it came from the palm of His hands. Every light and shadow it reflected somehow made visible His Spirit. Every line and uneven curve on it was not made by accident nor was it useless, but has the capacity to share a message of loving acceptance and life-giving meaning.
And the best part, the "one true thing that matters", was the inscription of the cross at the bottom of the pot's inner base - inviting me to remember to carry Him within me always. "The form does not matter. What matters is that you carry me within you."
"Yes, my dearest Potter, your cross is inscribed within my pot. Thank you so much for putting it there. Help me to always be mindful of it, that I may share it with all whom You love." :o)
photo by P. V. Baltazar, SJ.
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