Resting in His Heart

 

This Lenten season had a different feel to it. Perhaps because it came later, April rather than in March, there was more time to take in the colors of March - the red and light pink, orange, white, yellow and fuschia bougainvillas sprouting and shooting out life everywhere around the city.. Classes were over and there was now time to relish a slowing  down of activity.  No more rushing of school work.  All submissions done and over for good. Other commitments also done with for the time being.  Time to gradually transition into a quiet. Time to stand alone, to be still, to just be. Time to come before Him with no other agenda but to listen, to enter into His Heart, to lay at rest in Him. 

"My soul is restless oh Lord, until it rests in You."  How many times have I heard this line, or versions of it, before. It always seemed like an ideal but distant goal. So out of reach. Could it even be possible at all? Could one really rest in His Heart, and feel that elusive peace? Or would it last but a moment and then be gone?

And yet, through a series of events and experiences which I can only recognize as pure grace, I have felt His steadfast presence, the very tenderness and gentleness of His faithful, life-giving love. His most Sacred Heart which years ago He laid on His palm and invited me to carry and to love, He again laid before me.

 

It cannot be expressed adequately in words. I just know it from within, that this raw, wounded, bleeding and vulnerable Heart of His, He again offered and entrusted, with so much tenderness, love, and even gratitude. It stumped me, and for a while I felt so unworthy. Until I realized how genuinely and sincerely He meant it. Only our Lord can be such Love.

 

I feel the stillness. How long this will last, I don't know. And it doesn't matter. It is a stillness bursting with joy from within. A deep sense of security. A resting on inner peace, like laying on a mat made of intertwining fibers of His life and love. I don't fully understand it, but I just feel and know it as here,  present. How can a rest feel full of life? I guess this is like asking, how can a vulnerable, bleeding Sacred Heart be bursting with love? God is a mystery, but a secure and joy-filled one.

 

Some things in life, we don't need to ask or analyze too much. We just need to savor and behold. To allow ourselves to receive. To rest in His Heart. To savor the peace and stillness. To receive His love  and just be... for Him.

 

"My Lord and my God!"

 

 

 

 

                           beautiful wall painting by H.Sy, G.Sy, D.Sy



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Carry Me Within

 

 

I recently attended a very right-brained type of retreat where the medium for prayer was through clay. First we were asked to separate the stones that were embedded within the clay. That took some time to finish. Then we were asked to soften our clay with the use of water. While working on it, I figured that flattening the clay, adding water on top, and then folding the flattened sheet of clay, would help to keep the water within, thereby softening the material. Think of spreading peanut butter and sugar on top of a slice of bread, and then folding the bread into a sandwich. The sandwich now makes the combined taste of the bread and the peanut butter more seamless. Finally, we were asked to shape the clay into a pot. There were two rounds. First was the shaping, and then the refining of the shape into a more defined design. We did each step in silence, to allow reflection while working. Then afterwards, we were asked to pray.

 

For some reason, the activities appealed very much to me. Perhaps this is because I am by nature more of a right-brainer. As I took out the stones from the clay, I felt a strong desire to be cleansed of dirt and sin that the jewel within may become visible. As we softened the clay, I realized that only when we allow grace to be laid upon us (like the water spread on the clay) can our hearts begin to soften and take in how much God loves us and wants to form us. Grace upon hardened body, mind and spirit. Cycle after cycle of repeated laying out and allowing spirit to touch inner life. Till I have absorbed a level of His love enough to live with the vulnerability that comes with softness or weakness, and yet am solid enough to en-trust my would-be future form to Him... while he shapes my pot into whatever He desires.

 

At first, the pot seemed very crude and awkward. Like it had a long way to go before it could be seen as okay. And yet, with each shaping effort, a voice within seemed to constantly whisper in my ear, "The form does not matter. The form does not matter. What is most important is that you carry Me within your heart. Then all shall be well."  Carry Him within. That was all He was asking. He would take care of the rest. In whatever form or shape we are, we are made complete and perfect in His eyes, because we were given the ability to carry Him within us. All we need is to be true to what He really desires from us - which is to carry Him, to know, to love, to serve Him by carrying Him when we are alone, and when we can offer Him to others from the love for Him within us.

 

In the end, when the pot was refined, it was not the most beautiful pot if one were to evaluate it from point of view of "the world" and the way art is measured. But I just knew in my heart that this was the most beautiful pot for me, simply because He shaped it as He desired. Every feature of it came from the palm of His hands. Every light and shadow it reflected somehow made visible His Spirit. Every line and uneven curve on it was not made by accident nor was it useless, but has the capacity to share a message of loving acceptance and life-giving meaning.

 

And the best part, the "one true thing that matters", was the inscription of the cross at the bottom of the pot's inner base - inviting me to remember to carry Him within me always. "The form does not matter. What matters is that you carry me within you." 

 

"Yes, my dearest Potter, your cross is inscribed within my pot. Thank you so much for putting it there. Help me to always be mindful of it, that I may share it with all whom You love."  :o) 

 

 

                                                           photo by P. V. Baltazar, SJ.

 

 

 

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Thank You for Your Heart

A heart that provides strength even when it is itself vulnerable
A heart that extends healing even when it is itself hurting
A heart that burns with love even when its very love is unrequited
A heart that gives peace to our ever-restless heart

Thank you dearest Lord, for the gift of your Sacred Heart!

"Thou hast made us for Thyself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee." - St. Agustine