Traversing the Unknown

"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

- Thomas Merton

Today marks the 40th day after a most difficult and sad awakening that feels almost like death.  Forty days of grieving and gradually mourning over immense loss, of slowly traversing this new road that is still so uncertain and ambiguous. One day at a time. One baby step at a time. One present moment at a time.

Jessie Lichauco said, "We don't count age by years but by LIVING."  What might it mean to really live as we age?  Really live... and really love, despite feeling painfully broken and truly hurt and saddened over loss?   What might possibly lie ahead onwards from this 40th day?

No easy answers. No shortcuts. No magic wand to cast all away from reality.  But, I do know You are still here with me, my dearest Lord, and that You will always be with me, through all that is yet to come.  I seek refuge in your words:

"... be in silence.

Make peace with your fears,

and trust in Love."

    - Psalm 4