Stillpoint

After the Good Friday service, it was great to be able to just sit quietly in front of the venerated cross after everyone else had left the chapel, and to be "alone with the Alone." 

      

The stillness and quiet around became one with the stillness and quiet within, A stillness that had been making its presence felt for sometime now, as if begging to be recognized, acknowledged and savored.

Later, on the way to the car, the site overlooking the valley below caught my attention. The lovely twilight scene on a Good Friday was like the prelude to Easter.  A word whispered repeatedly in my ear: "Stillpoint."  Inner quiet. Freedom. Joy. The space where my heart just knows how real and how true is his steadfast and most faithful love. The love that will always be here.  

 My dearest Lord,

 Thank you for your miracle, your gift, 

of this precious Stillpoint;

where your faithful, Divine Love

meets my struggling, imperfect love

in silence and stillness;

where gratitude now longs

to be transformed into

 a vessel for your love

 to also flow through 

to many others.

.\

Sanctuary

Last October, after grueling weeks of reviews and exams, I set off for a day of rest. Before setting out, I happened to see a book that had been lying around my pile of books for years but that I just hadn't picked up and read. Esther de Waal's "Lost in Wonder" turned out to be the perfect spiritual companion for this perfect sanctuary. Talk about experiencing our God in all things. I was only looking to rest, but ended up being filled to the brim with gratitude and grace in this wonderfully silent, serene space. 

"Listen to the silence,

let it enfold you,

like a piece of music,

like bird-watching."

-E. de Waal

"O God, 

I commend to you this time

and ask you to bless

and to strengthen me

in my heartfelt search

for that silence and stillness

in which I pray

I shall find you

and you shall find me."

-E. de Waal

"You do not have to

Look for anything, just

 Look.

You do not have to 

Listen for specific

Sounds, just

Listen.

You do not have to

Accomplish anything, just

Be,

And in the 

Looking, and the

Listening, and the 

Being, find
Me.

-Ann Lewin

"I desire to be all silence,

all adoration,

to penetrate ever deeper and deeper into God,

and to be so filled with God

that I may in my prayer

give him to those who do not know him."

-Elizabeth of the Trinity

"My Lord and my God!"

+

Mom

  

My mom is now at a more advanced stage of Alzheimer's and Parkinson's Disease. I don't know how much time she has left with us. It could be many years, or it could be sooner. I find that when I stay by her side, hold her hand, stroke her face, kiss her forehead, I am more often than not, moved to tears. A part of me has been crying inside. Wishing she could respond to me the way I would want her to respond. To acknowledge my love, to give me soothing words of love in return. She is still with us, and yet I miss her being fully present. Even if I try, it's very hard to understand what she might be saying, when her mouth moves. Often times, I am not even sure if she recognizes who I am, or if I am just another person who surrounds her.

A part of me feels blessed to be able to take care of her. She is just within reach as we live under the same roof. Anytime I want to, I can easily go to her side, hold her hand, be with her. Pray alongside her as the recording of the rosary plays, or as the mass on EWTN is celebrated. It used to feel like a bit of a burden to have to look over so many aspects of her care. But now I realize it is also a most precious gift. 

And yet tears flow when I am with her. I feel like I am now her mother, and she is now my child, a special child to care for. That I have in a way lost my mother, though I have gained a child. 

Perhaps this is a similar experience for those who care for their elderly loved ones who have A.D. There is a blessing, but there is also grieving. Gratitude, but also sadness. Longing for what has been, and at the same time a savoring of what still exists, for only God knows how much time is left.

"I love you very much Mom. I only hope and pray that you are as comfortable as you can be, and feel as secure and loved as possible. If ever there is still some iota of recognizing who we are, know that we thank you for all you have done for us as a mother. Stay close to Jesus now as He will be your surest, most constant companion as you go through this latter phase of your life."  

+

Bless and keep her oh Lord,

and may your face 

constantly shine upon her.

"Let the Sunshine In"

  

 

 

 

Who can tell what the weather will be like next year, when the school calendar shifts graduation to a later time! In the meantime, the sunflowers that are still around today are meant to be savored to the max! They seem to be calling out to us to just pause and drink in as much of the glorious sunshine of His Spirit in and around us.

"Sunshine on my shoulders makes me sigh!"   :0)


 
.

Innate Beauty

 

Every year, the University of the Philippines plants rows and rows of sunflowers, calculated to bloom in time for the graduations. The idea is to plant one flower for each graduate, I guess symbolically. What a wonderful tradition!  It enables flower-loving folks like me to feast our eyes on the sea of standing green stalks and yellow "faces" peering out at the sun. The sunflowers remind me of people who stand tall, and who have an openness that invites light to come closer.

 

 

When you look closely at the center of the flower, you will notice the intricately ordered design of the dots.  What you see may amaze you. You may  realize that something like this just doesn't happen by accident.  That there is an order to created things that is natural and not man-made. That the order may not be visible from afar - when you look at the sunflowers from a distance, you might hardly notice the patterns. But when you really look, you will notice that the symmetrical design has a natural beauty of its own.  Just like when we really look at a person, only then can we come to appreciate the innate beauty that is always there within. All sunflowers carry such symmetry, just like all of us persons carry much innate beauty. 

 

I also love how the numerous yellow petals emanate from the center of the flower and point outwards. They are securely attached to the base, so that hardly a petal falls to the ground by itself.  How I wish we could all be like one of these petals, securely attached to the center, and connected to each other so that no one falls away alone. Banded together, but pointed outward with an open stance that invites people to gaze at the center. The petals, when taken as a whole, comprise a beautiful flower.

 

The sunflowers bloom in good timing with the Lenten and Easter season. Graduations happen around this time, making sunflowers a more apt Easter bloom than lilies, which we hardly see anywhere.
 
Our God, who went to great lengths to show us His love for us through His passion, death and resurrection, is the very same God who planted an intricately beautiful center within each of us. As we celebrate the joy of Easter, we can also celebrate the joy of being His special creation.

Happy Easter!

 

 

 

.

Resting in His Heart

 

This Lenten season had a different feel to it. Perhaps because it came later, April rather than in March, there was more time to take in the colors of March - the red and light pink, orange, white, yellow and fuschia bougainvillas sprouting and shooting out life everywhere around the city.. Classes were over and there was now time to relish a slowing  down of activity.  No more rushing of school work.  All submissions done and over for good. Other commitments also done with for the time being.  Time to gradually transition into a quiet. Time to stand alone, to be still, to just be. Time to come before Him with no other agenda but to listen, to enter into His Heart, to lay at rest in Him. 

"My soul is restless oh Lord, until it rests in You."  How many times have I heard this line, or versions of it, before. It always seemed like an ideal but distant goal. So out of reach. Could it even be possible at all? Could one really rest in His Heart, and feel that elusive peace? Or would it last but a moment and then be gone?

And yet, through a series of events and experiences which I can only recognize as pure grace, I have felt His steadfast presence, the very tenderness and gentleness of His faithful, life-giving love. His most Sacred Heart which years ago He laid on His palm and invited me to carry and to love, He again laid before me.

 

It cannot be expressed adequately in words. I just know it from within, that this raw, wounded, bleeding and vulnerable Heart of His, He again offered and entrusted, with so much tenderness, love, and even gratitude. It stumped me, and for a while I felt so unworthy. Until I realized how genuinely and sincerely He meant it. Only our Lord can be such Love.

 

I feel the stillness. How long this will last, I don't know. And it doesn't matter. It is a stillness bursting with joy from within. A deep sense of security. A resting on inner peace, like laying on a mat made of intertwining fibers of His life and love. I don't fully understand it, but I just feel and know it as here,  present. How can a rest feel full of life? I guess this is like asking, how can a vulnerable, bleeding Sacred Heart be bursting with love? God is a mystery, but a secure and joy-filled one.

 

Some things in life, we don't need to ask or analyze too much. We just need to savor and behold. To allow ourselves to receive. To rest in His Heart. To savor the peace and stillness. To receive His love  and just be... for Him.

 

"My Lord and my God!"

 

 

 

 

                           beautiful wall painting by H.Sy, G.Sy, D.Sy



.

A Place Under the Sun

source:  facebook site "Provence Mon Amour" 

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Provence-Mon-Amour/298011073568174?id=298011073568174&sk=photos_stream 

 Looking at the photos of Provence is always such a rejuvenating and happy experience for me. I just love the colors of the lavender fields, sunflowers, daisies, and many other flowers that I do not know the names of but that give such a vibrant and colorful look to the place! This is my dream place, my place under the sun that I would really like to see in actual, even just once, before I die. 

 

 

source:  facebook site, "Experience Provence"

https://www.facebook.com/groups/128473327650/photos/
 

 There is something very French about me. My name for one is a hard to spell French version of the name. I love the soothing sound of French music. I studied in a convent school whose mother foundress is French and whose mother house is located in France. My favorite saint is French.  I love listening to the language even if I do not know what is being said. I LOVE French impressionist paintings to the bone and can spend hours and hours just appreciating them. They are the only type of paintings I will go out of my way to view.  

 

 

 

source: "Provence, Mon Amour"

 

  

Now, Provence just happens to be right in the heart of France - so doesn't that make it a most fitting and perfect dream place?!!

 

 

 

 source:  "Experience Provence"

 

 

 source: "Experience Provence"

 

 

Provence Mon Amour and Experience Provence, the Facebook sites where all these beautiful photos came from, do an excellent job of showcasing the charm and lure of the place. Thank God for these sites!

 

 

source: "Provence, Mon Aumor"

 

 

 source: "Provence, Mon Amour"

 

 

 It's really a wonderful feeling to have a place like this to enjoy thinking about, look at and dream of going to...

 

 

 

 source: "Provence, Mon Amour"

 

 

Provence, mon amour, I shall see you one day - even if I have to ride on a wheelchair, or be carried on a stretcher to see you!  

 

 

 

.